“I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger” (but she’ll squeeze a nickel at a time.)

Everyone has heard of the term gold-digger to the point that women operating in this mode are now being socially shamed and their tactics disabled, at least to some extent. Even feminists are apt to have a go at the chick pouting her cleavage to land a wealthy whale.

The silver-digger is a term I coined to describe another sort of women who’s endgame is far more subtle. I later discovered it actually exists, so I obviously tuned into some group consciousness right there. A wealthy guy with high social standing can most afford to take on a trophy wife and pay the penalties. However, a silver-digger operates a more cunning plan that can effect anyone.


Initially she might seem like a real unicorn. She’s modest, doesn’t want you spending too much time or money on her and is open about enjoying sex. Attempts to upgrade her status in your life, especially if it involves material gains, are often met with surprise or her declining. “Don’t do it just for me,” she’ll say. What a great gal you think—low maintenance.

Like many women, though, the words coming out of her mouth don’t match her endgame. The false modesty is designed to relax your guard. Let’s say you invite her on a relatively costly weekend away. She declines, by saying she doesn’t want you spending money on her. By constantly downgrading herself, she does several quite clever things:

1. Makes you open to having her around casually, allowing her to invade your world by stealth. “She’s easy and amenable, I can do less to impress (or so you think).” Instead of a weekend away, now she’s around at your place, where she gains much more information (and power) over you.

2. She declined the holiday but she will capitalize on that down the track, by getting whatever she wants in return for denying your ideas. She knows what you are up for, now it’s just a question of getting what she wants.

3. She decreases and shrink wraps your world. You wanted to go on an expensive trip for yourself, not just for her. You were happy to take her with you, but now you end up not going at all and later on, she’ll put on you for something more modest that she wants. “Let’s just stay home,” she says, and what man would decline a weekend at home in bed with free pussy (If only he knew the real costs!)?

4. If she sees you modify your plans for her, now she knows she has the remote control for next time and she’ll switch it on with the “poor little me.” She’s turned it around and made it all about her, your needs are irrelevant.

5. You will end up doing things for her, because “she’s so modest” – and these might be activities you really don’t have the time of day for. Be warned: small costs add up.

6. She loves to see you frustrated, thwarted, and blocked because it gives her more control—now you need her to console you.

The long con


While the gold-digger makes no real effort to hide the fact that she’s out for material gains (not entirely a dishonest relationship), the silver-digger is playing a long term game of taking power from you. By projecting a false modesty and undermining your ideas, offers and plans, she is able to impose her own, whilst limiting and restricting your world. The silver-digger isn’t after a $10,000 diamond ring. “Oh don’t buy that for me,” she’ll say, “I hate diamonds.”

“Great!” you think to yourself, “low maintenance, easy going, a real catch.” But now you are relaxed and buying her dinner. $5 slips your wallet for a bus home because she’s short of change. She’s captured your nice side AND she knows it. Silver-diggers are good at using the friendzone, while being a sex buddy at the same time. The gold-digger wants to party all night and have a ball, but her modest Cinderella sister must be home by midnight, all tucked up in bed with yours truly.

Beware the cute easy-going, low maintenance girl that runs on high levels of melodrama and emotion. A gold-digger might only be a 6 or 7, mutton dressed as lamb, but a silver-digger can be a solid 8. A silver-digger will never ask for money or gifts, but she’ll always want a loan, help, or your time. Until it’s her birthday and then you better dance like a performing seal. A silver-digger is not in it so much for the money, but for the control.


Silver-diggers will deliberately hit on hard-working men so they can divert the man’s energies into their own designs. You don’t have to be wealthy to pick up a silver-digger and in fact this girl is the typical “blues” that the old bluesmasters used to sing about. Where a gold-digger will leave you if you go broke (fair enough really), a silver-digger will drive you broke by slowly dragging your life down to her level. Having you on minimum wage and doing nightly house chores is fine by her. She has control.

Gold brings warmth and a genuine material exchange to the interaction, but silver is always cold, prone to tarnish and it’s value a pretense. Silver is many times more common (I’d say 30-40% of women run this game) which is far more easily over looked—interestingly most silver is mined in tandem with gold, and thus a silver-digger is by default highly likely to be gold-digging too, if only at a middle class level.

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Gold-digger skillfully pans for nuggets, while silver-digger strip mines.

How did Joe the plumber wind up mortgaged to the hilt in suburban hell?

The silver-digger is out to create a co-dependent scenario where you come running at her beck and call. Eventually you simply can’t leave her because so much of your world is tied up in hers. This takes quite a period of time involving a subtle siege warfare on your independence.

Let’s say you get into an LTR with this girl. She’ll decline you buying her a car, but now you have to drive her. She’ll decline the credit card that you can monitor and put a monthly limit on, but hit you up for pocket change and $20 bills. She’ll decline the iPhone on your contract but now you can’t easily communicate because her prepaid is low on credit. It’s all a put up job to frustrate and limit your world. Later she’ll take the double.


The manosphere complains bitterly of narcissistic women— these are easy to spot, where the co-dependent silver-digger is engaging. She’s helpful and caring (at least superficially), but she has more of a shopping list than her gold-digging sister and much of it can’t be paid with cash. It involves you, your time, her power over you AND your world sinking into a narrow minded poverty-mentality relationship.

Silver-diggers being so co-dependent are also difficult to break up with. They can often be found switching the sex and “love” back on like a tap, and are able to change moods accordingly. They are highly manipulative and insecure people, who feel they deserve better, but don’t know how to get it; wolves in sheep’s clothing. As amenable as she seems, she’s not only expecting you to provide all the benefits but help her enjoy them too – and only the way she wants. If you notice:

  • Sex is more about what she wants.
  • She constantly tries to steer your activities and time with false modesty.
  • You offer her things that make both your lives easier, but she declines.
  • She says she wants a ‘loan’ or  – ‘I’ll pay you back’.
  • Her friends are way fatter and uglier than she is (ie. she’s very insecure).
  • Constantly relies on ugly male orbiters, white-knights etc. often with ‘poor little me’ stories. Casual targeted drama is her BFF.
  • Is so engaging and friendly, but somehow never quite co-operates, often by stalling with false promises, or trying to wrestle the lead off you.

…then she’s probably a silver-digger. Silver-diggers are also prime material for ‘accidental’ pregnancies, another way to get you at her command.

Platinum or titanium is what you want, gold if you must. Aluminum or stainless steel if nothing else can be found. But stay away from silver. It’s a poor man’s gold and a road to ruin. Throw it down the wishing well where it belongs.

Read More: Beware Of Trojan Horses

Ray Wolfson

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